So uninspired...

I'm sorry my friends for leaving you hanging for over a month for a simple journal entry expressing my thoughts in opinions or sharing the events of my life, or simply writing about the Coldplay concert which seems I went to ages ago now. But truthfully, for quite some time now, I feel uninspired, bland, and quite dead. If you've known me for long enough, I get into these modes where I block out everything that is truly important to me in this world, and replace it with a blank stare into space and a schedule of work and mindless play. And, when it finally catches up to me, my world is in shatters because I've neglected all that should be held of high importance in my life. I don't know whether I should feel completely numb or should lash out and scream about how truly stress-ridden and frustrated I am. I've been choosing numb lately.

I don't feel inspired even to write right now, I just feel I have to let out some of the steam or else I might pop. I'm turning 21 in less than a month and I feel so burdened by everything around me. I can't find solace, and even when I think I've made peace with all my demons, one of them snips me in the butt and reminds me that my life is just another step away from the fall down the rabbit hole...

I feel so superficial lately. Everything is a giant facade - a giant smiling facade! I feel like I've lied a million times over this last month, making a joke out of my current situation, saying it's not quite as uneventful as it may seem. When just for a moment, I'd like to take a step out of my life, just get out, and finally feel at ease for awhile....Ah, I'm getting all retarded now...

Is it strange to wish and dream and pray to have something back, that you never really had? Or maybe go back and undo something or someone that should have never happened? Maybe I do need to get out of my life before I lose my mind...