I don't need anybody, least of all you...then I would convince myself it's true :(

I'm not sure anymore.
I fall so easily and my heart is dangling from my sleeve.
I'm afraid of getting my heart broken.
Terrified.
I can't be left alone with my own thoughts, because I keep discouraging myself from it.
I don't know if I believe I deserve this.
My heart tells me I want it, my mind says it's the wrong time.
I thought I was positive.
And...things have a habit of changing in a blink of an eye.
I pray.
I cry.
A little piece of me dies inside each day.
My heart wants to speak what my lips cannot.
I'm emotionally bruised.
Restless.
Tired.
Is it the L word?
Why am I so afraid of the L word?
I'm in too deep.
I'm digging my own grave.
Maybe it is real.
I just need a sign to tell me it's real.
I wish I could see and hear the signs.
It feels real.
I want it to be real.
He makes me so happy and so sad at the same time.
Is this a love-hate relationship?
With myself?
One smile.
One laugh.
I want and need you.
Actions speak louder than words.
But are confusing.
I don't want to convince myself.
The only thing I know for certain, through all the cloudiness in my head, my thoughts and ramblings, is that I want to be with you.
I wish and pray I can.

The things running through my head...